My blog is not dead and neither am I

No I am still around for sure, but I have been busy. A lot has happened since I last blogged and I am not sure why I haven't blogged in awhile. The main reason may be because it didn't seem that anyone was reading my stuff.
What the hell is wrong with these people?
I sometimes find myself in a quandary about what people want to read.
I sometimes wonder if anyone even reads at all anymore
I know I used to read Sports Illustrated and ESPN magazine and I rarely look at them anymore so maybe no one reads anything longer that a tweet.

So anyways, enough of that. Let's get on to some topics that I know all of you want to hear about.
My health.
I am guessing most people heard about my much older brother ended up having triple bypass surgery about 4 weeks ago and when that happened everyone acted surprised that it wasn't me . Whattt?? OK it is true that I am overweight. Ok a lot overweight, and I guess people thought-it would be me with the health issues. I don't go to the doctor,(haven't been in three years) and I admit I have a true phobia of them. I guess we could say however, that all of that has changed.
When my wife heard the news about my brother, she started talking to me about making a doctor appointment. "You need to get checked out. You need a physical. You need a colonoscopy."
What??
Ok, I will get a physical.
Now, let me tell you my colonoscopy fears. I get these fears from what others have told me about their colonoscopy experience. One of my true friends told me that it was the worst experiences of his life. "John in no way shape or form would I ever let them do another one of those dastardly tests on me. The day before was the worst day of my life because the preparation is embarrassing and uncomfortable. I have had heart surgery, swam miles in the pool at the same time, lost a finger in a car wreck , been married for 30 years, and this was undoubtedly the worst thing I have ever gone through in my entire life."
That's enough for me, although I heard a few weeks later that at the time of his colonoscopy he was in the hospital and had to do all the prep while he was in the hospital and he had to do all of the prep using a bed pan. Ok now that is sick.
So I agree to a physical finally and after cancelling once, I end up going. I figure what the hell; it cant be that bad. I will go in, give some blood, a urine sample, and they take my blood pressure and listen to my heart. Boy was I wrong.
For those of you who don't see a doctor for a physical things have changed quite a bit. I walk in fill out paperwork, and then the fun begins.
I gave blood
I gave urine
I had a chest x ray
I had a EKG
I gave a kidney away
I admitted to drinking once in awhile
I admitted I get stressed

That was all before I even saw my doctor.
Now the place I went was basically a do all place for every test they could possibly think of and for most of them they were able to get the results back while I was still in the building. After 90 minutes or so I finally get to see my doctor. He asked me a page full of questions, talked to me about why I haven't been to the doctor in so long (because I had one years ago ask me why I was so determined to make my kids orphans) and basically everything else in the world. As he was talking I felt like he was trying to sell me stuff.
Do you have an eye doctor? > No > oh I can set you up with one
Do you have a dentist?> Yes I do > Oh, okay. If you are ever unhappy with him let me know.
Do you have a guy who washes your car?> No > Oh, I can help you out with that.
Do you have a girlfriend?> Doc I am a married man. > Oh, well if that fails I can help you out there too.

So after the questions he's finally ready to play doctor.
You know your blood pressure is high? Really? I didn't know that (I did know that)
I think I hear a heart murmur has anyone told you that? I have never had a heart murmur. Oh well it could be because the blood pressure is elevated but we better run a echocardiogram while you are here.
OH MY GOD.
So another test on the same day.
Total time at the doctor - 3 hours, and all they could find was high blood pressure. Okay, high blood pressure is bad but I am now on meds for it.
All the other stuff was normal and I think the doctor was almost pissed off about it.
But he did give me a good place to get my car washed.